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‘Godzilla’ Movie Review: Disaster Flick A Total Disaster In All Ways

‘Godzilla’ Movie Review: Disaster Flick A Total Disaster In All Ways

‘Godzilla’ Movie Review: Disaster Flick A Total Disaster In All Ways

Director Gareth Edwards Godzilla reboot is beyond atrocious. The film has no continuity, no reason for existing and is no fun. Why would anyone want to pay to see this film? Godzilla, theoretically anyway, exists for filmgoers to experience spectacle and have a good time, even if it is to mock a movie with a tongue in cheek experience. But alas, nothing like that is to be had here. Godzilla is simply a disaster.

Since presumably you know the basic premise, I won’t go into details. Godzilla is born of some sort of electromagnetic waves prviding power to a mythical creature, or something like that, I think. Nobody cares. The reason you come to see a film like this is to essentially see Godzilla wreck shop. The beast should wreak havoc on buildings, nature, humans, etc. But if you are looking for this to happen, and I am sure you are, it will be a long painful wait during the movie. The big guy doesn’t remotely rear his head until at least half the movie is over. And that buildup to that point is beyond the pain you would experience at most movies.

Godzilla

If only the makers of ‘Godzilla’ were eaten by the monster they created…

The idea of Godzilla is talked about. There are supposed explanations for how he could exists while another monster forms. There are preparations for how America and its military will deal with him. There is the usual human element of a father separated from his family and also his father, blah, blah, blah. Its all pointless because there is no fun! Eventually the monster shows up in a glimpse and he is imposing in size, but comical and fake to look at. Even worse is his opposition, who may or may not be Mothra. That thing looks beyond fake and its hard to imagine spending a reported $160million making this movie without making the monster look particularly real or menacing. He roars 3-4 times, but its a cross between amusing and scary and is a total head scratcher. Again, remarkably worthless.

The growing disconnect between my viewing habits and desires versus those with the public at large and even critics has never seemed so large as it does here. How Godzilla 2014 has earned $175 domestic and counting, not to mention 73% and 72% from critics and audience scores on RT is baffling. This is drivel, tripe, a waste of time, money and energy and any other bashing you can throw at it. Trust me, I can thrash this Hollywood ideology and Godzilla movie much more than the big dude thrashes buildings in the movie. Since he’s in it all of 15 minutes or so tops on screen, maybe he can earn the Dame Judy Dench Oscar. I have no idea and I really don’t care. You shouldn’t either. This will easily be the worst movie I’ll see this year and it ranks as one of the worst I’ve ever seen. It’s that bad.

 

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The Worst Movie of 2011 – Friends With Benefits Movie Review

The Worst Movie of 2011 – Friends With Benefits Movie Review

I’ve had the unfortunate misfortune to see some particularly bad movies released in 2011. Chief among them was No Strings Attached, a “romantic” “comedy” about friends who hook up for casual sex without emotional attachment. That Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher led film was particularly challenging to finish, with its cliché dialogue, discernable lack of chemistry between the leads and well-worn plot. I wondered whether it was conceivable for it to be outdone. Alas, it has been, with the exact same themed film – the putrid Friends With Benefits.

Kunis and Timberlake Friends with Benefits

It's impossible to believe Kunis and Timberlake are just "friends."

Friends With Benefits features stilted writing, with words spoken in a form that nobody could ever conceivably imagine people saying in a conversation. It also features two leads that despite the appearance of likability, share no spark. Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake ramble through the movie as if they’ve never acted before. They recite words without any connection or believability. To make matters worse, additional actors, such as the usually strong Woody Harrelson as an over the top gay dude, Patricia Clarkson as an absentee mother and the talented Richard Jenkins as an Alzheimer’s inflicted father, all stumble through the awkwardness. There is cashing a paycheck and coasting through scenes – and then there is what is witnessed here. Neither is good.

There is nothing redeeming in this movie, save for a few cool shots of New York City at night. When the all too predictable flash mob ending with Timberlake looking like he is giving a horrible audition (I know because I’ve been there) comes, I had already rolled over in my grave several times. When I leave this Earth, I will wish that I had the two hours of my life back that I spent watching this drivel. Add in the aforementioned “No Strings” and I am really going to wish I could have extended my time in my own skin when I pass. The only benefit I can give you – my friends – after seeing this tripe, is to advise you never to witness it with your own eyes and ears. You’ll thank me before you die. This is my first “EMPTY NEST” rating here on the site, which equals ZERO stars for the laymen.

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Clint Eastwood Directed Hereafter Movie Review

Clint Eastwood Directed Hereafter Movie Review

When you look over to your right and seeing someone snoring during the screening of a film, it’s never a good sign. When you are exiting the theater and someone behind you states: “this makes two of Matt Damon’s movies that are among the worst I’ve ever seen,” things can’t be much bleaker. Such is the case with the new Clint Eastwood directed, Matt Damon starring snoozefest, Hereafter.  It’s a movie I had designs on walking out of, and believe me, I never walk out of films.

Hereafter is about retired psychic George Lonegan (Damon), who has trouble dealing with his visions and thus causes difficulties in his interactions with others. His pesky brother Billy continuously is on him about cashing in on his gift, whereas George sees it as a curse.

Overseas, two storylines will intersect with George’s in a bizarre way. One involves a French political reporter named Marie, who had a near death experience during a horribly acted CGI storm, while the other is about a young boy Marcus, who loses his brother in a tragic accident.

The three subplots play out separately. In George’s life, he deals with Billy’s advances and an apparent hope for love in the states. In Marie’s, she has curiosities surrounding her experience, which leads to professional trouble. For poor Marcus, he misses his brother, which is compounded by the fact that his mom is a dope fiend.  Stop me when it gets exciting.

You didn’t stop me? No surprise. The movie plods along at an atrocious snail’s pace and when you are hoping for a major reveal, none happen. Eventually, George comes into the lives of the others, but if you were hoping for some sort of catharsis for any of the characters, be prepared to be let down – severely.  Everything is so stiff and contrived, its ugly.

This is (at least) the third straight movie from Eastwood which has failed to deliver. His previous Damon led film, 2009’s Invictus, didn’t materialize into much and 2008’s Gran Torino suffered from some of the same issues here, with its wooden acting and unmoving storylines.  The clock is officially ticking for the icon, who made incredibly strong films within the last decade in 2003’s Mystic River and 2004’s Million Dollar Baby. Highly disappointing.

As for Hereafter, there isn’t much positive to report, the director at times shows touch, but the source material written by Peter Morgan (Frost/Nixon) is so poor, it leaves little option for the tree to bear any fruit.  It’s the type of film you hope would never get made, or at least one that with lesser names involved, would go direct to video. Not only can I not recommend this for the big screen, I don’t recommend it for a Netflix rental. Just stay away and discover the hereafter on your own when the time comes.

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